Conquering the Birthday Blues

 Ah, birthdays. From your dentist to your boss to your Facebook friends, everyone wishes you a happy one. Plenty of people go all out for their birthdays, staging elaborate parties even as adults, milking each birthday for all it’s worth. For some people, though, birthdays are a source of ambivalence, anxiety, or depression. But they’re unavoidable, coming once a year whether we like it or not.

                                                     

Its 9th March , day after my birthday . Today I'm working alone in my room, while struggling with so many different kind of thoughts in mind. Just a day passed and it doesn't even look like that yesterday it was my birthday.

Generally, I’m not that enthusiastic about celebrating my own birthday. It’s not that I hate it, exactly, but I just don’t see the need to make a big fuss about it every year.  It just some me time with family and close friends. My birthday happens to coincide with the start of the busy March month season and specifically on Women's day, too, so my confusion is already sky-high. I Don't want to make it buzz of town but still want it to be little new  at least unique from the last one.

During the March stretch, I’m trying to figure out yearly tax schedules, work demands, and accomplishing target of Jan  — not to mention menus but on going projects, meeting sales target, fulfilling dues and rents and family expectation , well, who has time for a birthday?

Since I tend to be the second lead of my family , it typically falls to me to make my own birthday plans: picking a restaurant, making a reservation, getting plan to be fit to everyone. Getting specific schedule for one to two different friend circle. This just adds to my to-do list and stress level.

Most of all, though, the reason I no longer look forward to my birthdays as much as I once did is that I’m missing a key thing, is that real happiness, which is just now a formality only . My birthdays just haven’t been the same since. Now my siblings are busy in their new life schedule, so no longer we can met with same old energy. The enthusiasm of staying at same home when dad is the only earning person.

I stay with mom and dad and they both , of course, always wishes me a happy birthday. My brother and sister also do telephonic conversation , even we most probably meet outside for dinner and cake cutting ceremony  But it’s tough when we cant match with same vibe. 

Feeling the weight of others’ expectations

There’s also the pressure to meet certain milestones or accomplish key things by some arbitrary birthday.

“You’re 30 and not married yet? When are you going to have kids?”

“You know, your metabolism really starts to slow down in your 40s. Just wait till you’re my age.”

“You should’ve started saving for retirement already.”

I’ve heard people lament they haven’t checked off boxes of career accomplishments, romantic relationship goals, family ideals, real estate dreams, creative pursuits, or the accumulation of a certain level of wealth by a certain age.

The average ageTrusted Source of first-time mothers in 2014 was 26. The average age of a first-time homebuyer in the  is 32 years old. I didn’t hit either of these “milestones” until I was well past the average age.

But maybe your birthday causes a fear of getting older and facing your own mortality. This is a legitimate anxiety shared by many. One study found that birthday stress made people with a history of high blood pressure have a higher chance of having a stroke or heart attack on their birthday. 

Finding the best way to celebrate

Personally, I have a few ways I try to make my birthday more pleasant.

I try not to over plan things or cram too many events into one day. I tell myself it’s OK to miss my old days and be sad on my birthday. If someone goes to the trouble of wishing me a happy birthday or giving me a cake or gift, I try to accept it graciously and appreciate that people are thinking of me and wishing me well.

I also think about some of the benefits of getting older. A few studies have shown that there are perks that come with aging. One study in adults between ages 21 and 100 found that there was an improvement in self-reported mental health in the older group. This means there’s often a steady boost in mental health as you get older.

Another study found that younger people were more neurotic, while older adults were more likely to demonstrate less negativity.

Whatever the reason for your birthday stress or ambivalence, I think it’s fine to mark the occasion of your birthday in a way that feels right to you. If you’d rather sit home by yourself reading a book, you should (in fact, that’s pretty much my ideal day).

You might have a better birthday if you take some time to reflect on why you dislike this day, what it means to you, and what you can do to make yourself at least dread it a little less.

I’m a big believer in the saying, “Help yourself by helping others.” Try asking others to donate to a charity in your name in lieu of gifts. Take the day to volunteer in your community. Spending time in nature, hanging out with kids or pets, or getting exercise are also some good birthday-blues busters.

12 Ways to Conquer the Birthday Blues

Don’t overly plan your day if you’re easily overwhelmed.

Set it and forget it. Earlier in the year sign up for freebie birthday giveaways that will make you smile on the day of.

Appreciate the people who are thinking of you.

Think about the benefits of getting older.

Mark the occasion in a way that feels right to you.

Reflect on why you dislike your birthday.

Spend time with friends, family, or pets.

Volunteer or donate to charity.

Get some exercise or spend time in nature.

Avoid FOMO — Don’t compare your celebration to others.

Whether you decide to add your birthday to social media or not, be ready to handle the response or lack thereof.

Set realistic expectations.

For me, I ask that instead of a “Happy Birthday,” my friends wish me a “Tolerable Birthday” — or at least respect my desire not to have a huge birthday bash.