You Are Your Greatest Obstacle- Part 3

 1. Stay curious, question everything, and if you want something, ask for it. Live with such an attitude and you realize that when one door closes, another one always opens. 

I’ve realized that as we grow older, we’re more inclined to listen to our inner critic; but I’ve also learned that the only way around this is to amplify the voice of our inner child. The ones who do are the ones who grow older but stay young in spirit. They’re the kind of people who see what they want—the opportunity, not the obstacle—and do one of two things: They either ask for it or go for it.

That’s because our curious inner child is what allows us to explore, ask questions, and create. It’s the engine of our wonder and imagination. And we all need to fiddle with a greater sense of wonder if we are to spark change in our life.

                                              

Truth is, the extent of how far you go in life is tied to three things: How curious you are, how often you question things, and how likely you are to take action. 

When we reconnect with that inner child, we add a new robust layer of critical thinking. And it’s this curious attitude that will help you recognize that life is generous; when one door closes, another one opens—you just need to be resourceful enough to create it.

2. When you play the quick short-game you win small, but when you play the sequential long-game and allow yourself the time to grow, you win big. So be impatient with your actions, but be patient with your results. 

The best things in life take time to grow.

Palm trees. 

Relationships. 

Thriving businesses. 

The mastery of artistic pursuits. 

This is one lesson that took me years and years to learn—that anything meaningful in life requires a long-term commitment. That’s when I stopped searching for shortcuts, slowed down, and rewired my thinking to only consider long-term pursuits.

The truth is, sacrifice, commitment, and hard work are foundational parts of the equation to get to where you want and reward is on the other side of it. There are no shortcuts or hacks. There is only dedicated, purposeful work that compounds and blossoms into something beautiful when the time is right. 

To write a book, you must sit and write one page at a time. To cross the ocean, you must swim one stroke at a time. To summit a mountain, you must climb up one step at a time. To achieve anything great and reap the rewards, we must first toil in the language of labor—and we do so one small step at a time.

So here’s my advice: Be impatient with your actions, but be patient with your results. Focus on where you want to be in five years’ time, who you want to become, and take small steps every day that would move you in that direction; that’s how you create a positive domino effect in your life. And while you’re at it, give yourself the time to bloom into it—play the long-game, never the short one.

3. True mental strength is a game-changer. You build it by consciously focusing on what you can control (your inputs and outputs) and ignoring what you can’t control (your outcomes).

Life can be so difficult sometimes, but you already knew that. 

What staying in bed unable to walk for two weeks taught me, and what being broke building a startup taught me, and what facing a pandemic taught me, was this: True mental strength is your ability to focus and refocus on what you can control and ignore everything else outside of it—that’s the only way you’ll maintain the enthusiasm to push onward.

How do you do that? 

You focus on your inputs and outputs and you hold the belief that as you continue to put in the work, the outcome will work in your favor. 

The life you experience is simply a reflection of your mindset: In any given situation in life, you can either dwell and complain about all the things that are bad (things that you can’t control) or you can shift your attention onto all that you can do (what you can control—your inputs and outputs). Little by little, day by day, as you consciously practice the latter, you will build resounding grit and mental strength. 

4. Your purpose in life is to be where you are and do what you can to serve the people and positively contribute to society. Once you see purpose through that lens, you will realize that your objective isn’t to do what you’re passionate about; your objective is to pursue your purpose passionately. 

“I feel like I don’t have a purpose in my life. Why do I wake up in the morning? Why am I here in the office every day? I don’t have a purpose, so I need to go out and find it.”

If that sounds like you, then here’s what I want you to realize: You don’t find your purpose somewhere else; you create your purpose, exactly where you are, and you bear meaning to it. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can start working from a place of intention, meaning, and passionate drive.

At this very moment, your purpose is to be alive. Your purpose is to show up to your devoted line of work. It’s to be useful and to evolve, adapt, and grow. Your purpose is to keep learning and figuring things out as you go. Your purpose is just to be where you are, doing what you’re doing, and giving it your best. 

If you’re unsatisfied with what you do, and deep within your heart you know that you want to move your life in a different direction, but not sure how, then a good starting point is to ponder the purpose equation and explore how you can be in the service of others by leveraging what you’re good at, what you’re interested in, what you believe the world needs, and how you can use the above to help people solve a problem. As Gandhi once said, “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Keep in mind, however, that your purpose will probably change over time. That’s because as you experience different phases in your life, your sources of meaning will change. When you’re in school, your purpose is to learn and positively contribute to the class environment. When you’re working as a young adult, your purpose is to perform well, pay the bills, and serve the people you’re working with. 

5. You don’t only live once; you live multiples lives within one.

Consider this: In my early twenties I was a student, later I became an employee, at one point I was a traveler, after that an entrepreneur, and now I’m a writer. 

That’s five lifetimes within one. Why? Because each one demands a different you to show up. Each one requires you to die a little so you can be reborn into something new. That’s why Picasso once said that “every act of creation is, first of all, an act of destruction.”

There’s a general understanding that it takes 7 to 10 years to master something in life. So, if you live to be 88, after age 11, you have 11 opportunities to be great at something. Most people never let themselves die. Perhaps out of fear or lack of ambition, they cling to that one life that doesn’t serve them, without finding the courage to explore something else. 

This new perspective of 11 opportunities has changed the way I think; it helped me realize two things: First, there is no need to rush into things because life is long—it only feels short when you live it void of intentional action. Second, you are never stuck—you are exactly where you need to be. Why? Because every event or stage in life is trying to teach you something, which means that there’s always a chance for renewal, reinvention, and personal transformation that can emerge from it.

You live many lives; live them fully and live them well.

6. Make time for the people you love and surround yourself with optimistic people that uplift you—it’s the people you share your life with that make living worthwhile.

You will never miss a place more than you will miss the friendships you’ve made in it. Because it’s the people that make the place, not the other way around. And it’s the people who we forge our memories with, who we cry with, and laugh with. It’s the people who make living worthwhile. 

Every morning I consider what I’m grateful for, and almost every morning I am reminded that to still have my parents—and the close people whom I truly love—in my life is one of the most wonderful blessings of all. 

Make “making time” for the people you love a priority in your life. And the best way to do so is to be kind and make them feel appreciated. Use your words to make them feel loved. Use your words to make them feel beautiful. 

Sure, your circle of genuine friends will grow smaller with time, but that isn’t a bad thing. It means that you’re growing and evolving. It means that you’re choosing who will be in your circle and who wouldn’t. It means that you’re becoming more intentional about the kind of energy you want to be around.

The goal of life is to have more deep, vulnerable, and genuine connections over shallow, fake, and materialistic ones. It’s to stay away from negative mindsets and embrace optimistic perspectives, and to have a support circle that draws the winds into your sails and uplifts you—friendships that will stand the test of time.

7. Keep an open mind and act like an artist but think, fail, and learn like a scientist—recognize that your life is an experiment and you will live a life without fear or regret. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.”

All life is an experiment.

I think the people who don’t recognize this are the ones who fail to have fun in life—they forget to play and so they lose touch with their inner artistic child. They’re the ones who shy away from action and change. They’re the ones who end up regretting not having had the courage to live a life that was true to them. 

People who recognize that life is an experiment are the ones who have fun. They try things. They break things. They see opportunities and take action. They do what makes them feel alive and they bring the entirety of who they are into what they do. Above all, they’re bold enough to follow their heart, fully knowing that they will be making mistakes along the way and that’s okay—because that’s how they’ll learn.

Fortunately, I’ve chosen to adopt the mindset of the latter because I also believe that life is an experiment—and I want it to be the biggest, boldest, most badass and artistic, wild, fun, and exciting experiment I could’ve ever lived so that in twenty years I can look back and say: “I’m glad I did.”

As a creative, I’m starting to realize that success in any field is part art, part science. The art part requires you to bring forth your personality, enthusiasm, and authenticity. The science part requires you to study the process, learn from the best, hone your skills, and strategize.

So here’s my advice to you: Keep an open mind and act like an artist, but think, fail, and learn like a scientist. In other words, be yourself and make mistakes, but don’t make the same mistake twice. 

When you recognize that life is just an experiment, you’ll stop kneeling down to fear and you significantly reduce your chances of living a life filled with regret. You’ll start doing things that make you feel alive again. In short, you start telling a better story, and who doesn’t like good stories?

8. If you can drop anything from your world, drop the ego. And if you can be anything in this world, be kind.

My spiritual journey over the years has taught me that the ego is nothing more than a construction of the self, forged to conceal one’s deepest insecurities.

We feed the ego by playing the status game because, deep down, we’re so insecure about how people perceive our wealth. We feed the ego by acting like we’re better than everyone else or boasting about our achievements because, deep down, we’re so insecure about being perceived as insignificant.

Our attachment to the ego, and the idea of “I, the self,” is what creates constant fear, confusion, worry, and hate. It’s why we’re so unhappy. It’s why we self-sabotage and self-destruct... The only way to dissolve that ego is through conscious mindfulness and kindness.

Mindfulness reminds you that are not invincible, that you are a speck of dust in the air, a bright light on a blue ball drifting in space—so why are you acting like you’re better than everyone else?

Kindness reminds you that all of us share the same power—we can either vulnerably love or viciously hate—so why are you leaning into separation and hate when you can lean into unity and love? Why do you keep judging everyone else around you when the only person you should ever judge is yourself?

Mindfulness and kindness are the stepping stones to empathy and compassion. So if you can drop anything from your world, drop the ego. And if you can be anything in this world, be kind. 

Be kind with your words, actions, and intentions. You don’t know what troubles people are going through because injuries are silent—just because you can’t see scars, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

9. Honestly, nobody cares what you do—everyone’s got their own problems to deal with. So stop belittling yourself and start being yourself. 

I can no longer count the number of times I’ve spoken with a friend, and after pushing them to pursue a creative idea, they stop and bluntly say: “I’m worried about what other people will think.”

The fear of external judgment is one of the biggest that halts us in our tracks. Truth is, whether you do good or bad, there will always be people who will judge you. That's just the way life is. All you can do is give it your best, focus on what you can control, and ignore those who make you feel less worthy of who you are.

When you allow the fear of what others think stop you from doing what you know you must do, you give away your power. I say no to that. I say why should you live a life where you’re not authentically and fully yourself?

Let me ask you this: How often do you find yourself worrying about other people’s problems? Seriously. Like, once a day? And the only reason you might do so is because that person’s problem is related to you somehow—which then makes it your problem as well, and that’s why you worry.

Everyone’s busy with their lives; so whether you follow your heart or not, nobody cares. Whether you fail or not, nobody cares. 

Sure, in the heat of the moment, your close friends will care, but in the grand scheme of things, your life is yours to live because everyone else is living theirs. So stop belittling yourself and giving away your power to what others think. This is your life, live it fully: Be yourself and do what makes you happy.

10. Money comes and money goes in life, but time only moves in one direction. All you have power and influence over is what you decide to do with the time that you are given, today.

Money comes and goes in life, but time only moves in one direction—forward. You can recoup money that was lost, you can create new sources of income, but you cannot redeem or create time that is now obsolete.

All you have is “the now” and what you do with it.

The past is done and dusted, all you can do is reflect back on it to learn from it. And the future does not yet exist, but it is defined by what you decide to do at this very next moment. In essence, our future is nothing more than the summation of a series of “the next sequential moments” connected together. 

All we have is the present. 

With this new perspective, you will realize that all you have power and influence over is what you decide to do with the time you are given, today. With this new perspective, you will realize how complaining, postponing, procrastinating, and entertaining excuses will render your time obsolete. 

So stop wasting your time, dwelling in an abyss of excuses. After all, excuses are fabricated illusions we create to rationalize our behaviors when we’re too afraid to go after what we really want. Instead, start honoring your time on earth by doing what makes you feel most alive.

11. Be smart enough to ask for advice, but be wise enough to know who to seek it from.

Growing up, my mother used to tell me the tale of the fox and the giraffe. 

The giraffe stood knee-deep inside a lake, when the fox, who was standing on land asked: “How deep is the lake?” The giraffe replied: “It’s not deep at all.” So the fox strolls in and instantly drowns. 

He yells: “You liar! You said it was not deep at all.”

And the giraffe replies: “It isn’t! The water only reaches my knees.”

There will be all kinds of people who will feel entitled to give you advice in life. And the sad part is that most of these people will share their opinion on any subject matter at hand, even when they clearly have no experience in it. I’ve learned to ignore these people because they end up talking nonsense. 

Then there are those who will share their advice only when asked upon. Listen carefully when such people speak. But remember this golden nugget: People give you advice based on their perspective. 

The giraffe did not lie when she said the lake was shallow. From her perspective, it was, but from the fox’s, the lake was deep.

Who you ask advice from matters more than anything. If you’re a digital entrepreneur who’s selling online courses, don’t seek advice from a self-employed consultant who’s running his business entirely offline. And if you’re someone who values mindfulness and slow living, don’t seek advice from someone who preaches the “hustle” lifestyle. 

Be smart enough to ask for advice, but be wise enough to know who to seek it from. In other words, never ask someone for advice if they haven’t already achieved what you aspire to achieve yourself.

12. Self-love is born out of self-acceptance and self-awareness. And the only way to all three is through solitude—how else can you create the space to look inside yourself?

Do you know why you self-sabotage? 

It’s because you’re trying to measure up to a false image that’s based on what you were taught it means to be perfect. You believe that you’re supposed to mirror that image of perfection—even though you’re realizing how it completely contradicts who you are—but because you don’t measure up to it, you scrutinize yourself and hate yourself. 

You reject yourself for not being what others expect you to be and you hate yourself for not having the courage to explore who you authentically are. So you end up languishing in this unworthiness, masking your inner pain, and self-sabotaging your growth. In the words of Ram Dass, “you can’t build joy on a feeling of self-loathing.”

So here’s what I want you to realize: You’re struggling to step into who you want to become because you’re not accepting who you are—you’re fighting fire with fire. Accept who you are today, and stop trying to be something you’re not. 

Once you accept yourself as you are, only then can you allow yourself to become more self-aware, and thus create the space to mold yourself into who you genuinely want to become.   

How do you do so?

You look inside yourself.

You close your eyes and look inward. 

You meditate, reflect, and journal. You converse with yourself. You spend time alone so you can distance yourself from all the noise around you—so you can hear your own voice. You spend time alone so you can find the stillness to go deeper into yourself and open your heart so you can heal your wounds. 

As you raise your awareness of who you are, you start breaking down the barriers you’ve built up against it. In time, you’ll find that love is not something to be sought, for your love has always been there, buried deep within. 

Solitude is essential for your well-being. Use it to build a foundation of self-awareness and radical self-acceptance—use it to change the inside so that the outside can fall into place.

13. Sometimes the world is trying to tell you who you are, but if you don’t stop to reflect and listen, you’ll never be able to hear.

For over a decade, the universe was offering me signs and trying to tell me who I am, and yet, I never paused to reflect and listen. I was always looking outward with my eyes, to the next big thing I could do, to the next trendy train I could jump on, but I never looked inward with my heart.

Perhaps the same applies to you.

Too often, we push our own ideas, philosophies, and sense of identity onto the world, but have you ever paused to wonder if maybe the world is trying to tell you who you are? 

Sometimes, you need to stop and reflect. 

How else will you be able to see the signs?

Sometimes, you need to stop and listen.

How else will you be able to hear them?

If you’re trying to figure out what you actually want to do with your time on earth, my best advice for you is this: First, learn to be in awe of this gift that is life. Be in awe of this voyage of self-discovery and creation. Being in awe will keep you present and alive in the moment, and this awareness will lead you to the signs. And then, with all your courage, follow those signs. 

Seek with your heart, not with your eyes.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

14. The more grateful you are, the more beauty you will see all around you, the more generous life will seem, and the happier you will become.

My journey toward a more grateful outlook on life began sometime in May in 2018. It was around the time when I was still in bed, recovering from my surgery.

My mom would bring me a fresh fruit platter in the morning while I read the news . I would be tucked in the comfort of my bed while reading stories of the people all around world.

That’s when I realized how lucky I was.

Lucky to still have my parent in my life.

Lucky to have a home.

Lucky to have a job .

Lucky to be earning money that allows me to spontaneously choose what I want to eat and go buy it, what I want to wear, and go buy it. 

Lucky to be alive.

That’s when I began practicing gratitude one line per day. More recently, I write down three things I’m grateful for every morning. Sometimes I’m grateful for the sun in the sky, other times I’m grateful for the freedom I have, or the continued presence of a good friend in my life.

It was Rumi who reminded us to “Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” The reason is simple—the more you consciously practice gratitude, the more grateful you will grow, the more beauty you will see all around you, the more generous and abundant life will seem, and the happier you will become.

The scent of life does not diffuse in the rhythm of rush, it floats to the tune of stillness. Beauty is everywhere, but most of the time, beauty is not something that can be seen, but rather, something to be felt. Gratitude is the gateway to that awareness of beauty.

Every morning, take a moment to notice what you’re grateful for. Open your notebook and write three things. Slowly, as you give more of your attention to appreciation, you will receive more of in every corner of your life.

15. Life is what you make it; because the reality you experience is a direct reflection of the quality of your thoughts.

Today, at 30, I’ve come to learn that life is what you make it. 

Yes, good luck is necessary and luck does play a role in shaping our reality, but luck is just part of that mysterious equation that makes this beautiful thing we call life what it is. And truth be told, you can invite more luck to play in your favor. How? You stop talking about what you want or don’t want, what you like or don’t like, what scares you or doesn’t, and you just start doing. 

You don’t sit on that couch and daydream of what you want—you get up and go after it. You don’t complain about all the things that suck right now—you stop focusing on what’s out of your control and instead you do the best you can with the deck of cards you’ve been dealt. 

You stop feeling jealous of everyone else’s success and you start taking responsibility for the fact that you aren’t as “successful” because you’re not committing to anything, you’re not being resourceful enough, and you’re not putting in the dedicated work.

Here’s how I see it: Keep complaining and life will continue to feel miserable; soon enough, everything that happens will seem like bad luck. Or, practice gratitude and be brave and intentional in the work you do, and life’s opportunities will suddenly look abundant; soon enough, everything that happens will seem like good luck.

It’s all in your head.

It’s all a matter of mindset.

The reality that you experience is a direct reflection of your thoughts. Good thoughts trigger good emotions, bad thoughts trigger bad ones. It’s really that simple. And that’s why I say: Life is what you make it.

Your life will be as good as the attitude you carry around with you. That’s why famous thinkers say that “you can’t solve a problem with the same mindset that created it” and “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

The truth is, you always have a choice. You have a choice on how to frame the challenges you stumble upon. You have a choice on how to frame your day as soon as you wake up. You have a choice on the kind of energy you project onto the world around you. 

Will these experiences be positive or negative? 

Will they be optimistic or grim?

That choice comes back to you.

And that, in a way, is why life is what you make it.

I’ve chosen the simple but extraordinary life, and that is what I’m making it to be. I’m alive, I’m here, I’m present, I’m grateful. 

I hope you are too.