No reason

 Tuesday at approx.  seven in evening , while im sitting alone in my room . I can clearly watch outside darkness of road as street lights are not on yet and there is totally dark outside in street and im too completely alone at home and which is specially very rare for him. As im kind of person who cant stay alone at home, but toady i want to. 

                                      

     Last from a week there is complete loud noise and too much lighting atmosphere as two of our neighbor were having wedding of there son, so there is buzz of everything loud at outside of light as well as of music and crowd. so im missing this silence. There is little bit noise of passing vehicle outside either there is full of peace , so its easy to have conversation with own.  

    But as my parent never left me alone , so its barely possible for me to have some thought about life or the things which life is dealing with me. As all celebrating there life whereas im the one who helpless to do anything in correct way, as im on path where nothing is in my hand, all i could is to just let it go and hope that everything go okay with time. Which im expecting for good , but current situation is totally opposite.

   Mom and dad are not ready to attend any function without me , as we only three members are home than why left one alone at home, but now im on that peak level, where i can convince them to not ask me, specially not force me to attend any gathering . Because i truly  don't want to be part of anything like this. 

 So basically im confused with what actually stops me to be like other , am i always like this , or may be my circumstances are like that so i avoid it or may be my mind and heart , finally are at same opinion .  Avoid toxic things and people in life , as in last two experience made me like this. 

  May be this is my age or i attain that much maturity so basically i have no reason to explain why im like this. Why im keep running from everything, Though im very well aware in every situation, rather then running or taking back step you have to get attitude to accept to face it. But life is totally opposite .

Everyone thinks that may be i have good friend circle so i dont prefer to hangout with others, but its no so my only soulmate is my own company , My alone attitude is with me from very beginning from my childhood time.

And i have no reason to explain it....