I Wonder

 I wonder when will I be able to fly,

with my wings high up in the sky fluttering through the cool breeze.

When will I be able to,

fly through the fluffy clouds searching for new horizons.

I wonder.

                                         

 

Thursday evening when im sitting idle in my room , and looking outside window , i came to this line of poet in an online blog. And i wonder that everyone thinks in very similar way, like this social life on online platform shows that all are so happy and enjoying their life but when i read this kind of post or poetry , i feel so relatable.

    

    Everyone shows that they are happy , but reality is far from this that deep down we all are alone and lost and its really not matter that whom you are with whether your cool big size family or fancy crowd of friends. May be day by day when you growing older you start enjoying your own company or can say that you start to create boundary at your side , so nobody can come close to you.

 I'm done with my second vaccination too and that's why as my one hand his paining and even whole body is in pain so not able to do my regular routine of work. I don't know but day by day i just get so much involved in my work , that when I'm lagging , i feel so incomplete. I want that at the end of day i should feel like that i did something, and sometime its too irritating . But im helpless with this habit.

 

  When you are scrolling Instagram , and watch those inspiring video of awesome weather , hills and snow , than i too feel like that i deserve to enjoy that kind of life but in reality I'm not even able to go out alone to the city and that's make me furious towards me. In your imagination you are the hero of your life but in reality its different . Earlier i was always in argue with siblings that i can  too go on solo trip , is possible for me. It just i have to decide something in my life than i am ready to face any hurdle even alone too.

 

  But my last too experience give full proof evidence that for me everything is only possible in dreams and i'm the one who even not dream to go alone , not anywhere , not to the buying anything on grocery store. So my siblings are absolutely right.

 

     It is never like that i have not make attempt to break my own bars , but every time there is something which land me again to the my cage and with more and new number of restriction . 

I am not very open up type of person with everyone, but this year i made effort to overcome my hurdle of being rude to each and every person. But as my bro says nothing can change me.

Hangout with old friend , whom with im not in touch from last so many years, Join gym classes , tried to be in relationship, and finally spend some time alone with special but shocking i wont be able to connect with anyone . Now i only can ask to GOD , did you send me on some wrong planet .

 I always thought that every one have too much time to do anything in their life and life is so long that you can fall and your inner voice and surrounding gives you that much courage that you can become fighter with all your trouble. But no body inform me earlier that hurdles are never that for which you made preparation but as the day pass by those hurdles are getting modified .

  So each time when you think that now everything resolve and now you can straight in life , there you go to fall again. You can fight with individual but never with your loved one . Because if you want to see growth of  your loved one  than ready for same expectation . 

 I think every time that let this work to complete , let this step to clear than im all free to do anything in my life. Than no one even my own heart and mind wont stop me to proceed something for which I'm dreaming all life. The thing or task make me happier from inner side , but every time im completely wrong. Every time or even every new second come with new type of responsibility that you feel trapped .

    I wonder , when i would be able to fly high.

 

So last some day ago , i don't remember exact date ,   when its raining and i was outside at  restaurant  with someone,  but I was more with me. It was raining from 4:00 PM something and we are walking in rainy with tiny and shaggy streets but what i enjoy more there was less crowd . 

    Just like Bollywood movies you are walking alone with person in street , and let me tell im not fond of walking in rain , because at the time of rain i prefer to be stay inside my home not on street , as you know very well how the roads become at monsoon time. But that day i forgot everything and because last from some time , i want some time that was for me only. 

  It was smoothly raining , low crowd at street but wet roads so he hold my hand to help me , but nothing happened alike movie .dance , music! But my mind too was somewhere else , my imaginary world, where i want to walk alone on street when no one seeing me and no one pass judgement to my attire or any other thing , it just me .