I Wonder - Silence

 It just me , who want peace and empty ness in every moment or may be i didn't get oppotunity  to meet the person of same taste . Yes this second option chances are higher but how that's possible because the whole world is full of so many people and i the one always end up being different personality. How's  that possible. But it is , what can even I do for this. Nothing , i guessed.

                                  

"What did I fear, and why? - I, to whom the night had been

a more familiar face

than that of man

I, in whom that element of hereditary superstition from which none of us is altogether free had given to solitude and darkness and silence only a more alluring interest and charm!"

Yesterday  17 august , my best friend birthday . If i say true than this birthday kind of days are only possible outing for me. Because i prefer less to going out  and with people that too include friends and family . Last from two year i become more and more ME type person. Somehow i start to think or even i can say that situation turned out like , I wont fit with anyone .

Last two year made me more responsible and i drifted toward  work and family , so i wont get enough time to spend with others. Some specific days make it possible meeting friends , so i and all other can plan for dinner and meetings. At first i decided easily that i can join them , but soon after i realize that my stomach ach start pinching me as always . I am crowd phobic  kind of person, so i generally avoid to be part of gathering. 

Again I wonder , how can a person act like this in every situation. But its me who got this type of unique talent. So at time around 9 we all met . According to day , i opt for beautiful white dress and with shoulder off pattern. Initially everything was very good, meeting all person after long time and some chit chat conversation , laughing and giggles .

 "You can listen to the secrets of life

in the silence of night,

in the voice of the ocean,

in the beating of your heart.

Just listen with your soul"

But as the time passed my energy goes down , and that smile which I'm carring from beginning is lost in vain and i know that my actual me is overpowering me. Though i was enjoying environment and my laugh also burst out loudly at some jokes of friend but i know that everything I'm doing there is fake . Im pretending to enjoying but actually inner me was done with all those thing and now want to run away from that place.

  Beginning was like , im facing each person joyfully , making genuine conversation , my laughter was real and having proper eye contact . Soon after when my level of being good manner person level reached on top , my eyes start rolling from person to person and than i was not ready to bear any kind of joke.

Wethere its food time or cake cutting ceremony i was standing at back, because I'm the person who never eat anything out as im not foody person . I think i only eat with those whom i loved, like my mom dad and brother. This specialty of mine , I discovered at last meeting with someone. 

"There is nothing, she would think, more delicious that the icing of bought chocolate cake, eaten in the silence and privacy of the night."

So i can sum up my whole time that im the person , who only enjoy at being alone , as my best time of yesterday was of that 15 minute period which we spent at roof of that  building . The complete dark night , you can only experience this dark when you are up like eighth to ninth roof  of  building. Im totally in love with this type of dark, where you feel like to be on top of world and your surrounding is so calm that barely you can here any kind of disturbance . On that place you can enjoy and even can here your breath too. Generally you always in mid of too much voice and lighting but too find this kind of calm place is blessing in itself.

"So I wonder what my love is about , being alone or being in dark. "

    

• "I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day"